The Perfect Example of an American Child





THE HISTORY OF COMMUNISM
         Once upon a time there was a man named Karl Marx. He wasn't related to the Marx Brothers, but he did have a big poofy beard that made him look like a grumpy version of Santa Claus. Be warned, children: he was NOT Santa Claus! One day he invented something called Communism, which is a Russian word meaning "Armageddon." The idea behind Communism is that everyone shares their stale loaves of crummy bread with each other so that everyone has the same amount of stale loaves of crummy bread no matter how much work they actually did to earn them. Our great country of America had a different idea, called Capitalism, where nobody shares with anybody. This explains why when the Communists ran out of stale loaves of crummy bread, they wanted to blow us up.



LIFE UNDER COMMUNIST RULE
Just a few of the bad things about being Communist.
Oppressed students.
Oppressed students.
  • School children are taught only what the government wants them to learn.

  • Children are taught to spy on their parents and to report any anti-communist actions or views.
Millions of communist children
Future Oppressors of the Communist World.
  • Men and women are forced to produce more communist offspring to increase their numbers.

  • People suspected of opposing the communist regime are punished, often by slave labor, death, or even the sucking out and indefinite imprisonment of the soul.
Proud Americans enjoying a relaxing game of shuffleboard.
Proud Americans enjoying
a relaxing game of shuffleboard.
  • No Shuffleboard.



         Now that you know how evil Communism really is, you should want to help stop their undercover infiltration of America. "But what can I do?" you ask. "I'm just a kid." You can do your part to help spot the Communists by spying on your very own parents. Here are some fool-proof warning signs that tell you for sure if your parents are really Communists or not.


HOW TO TELL IF YOUR
PARENTS ARE COMMUNISTS

A loyal American tot reporting the crimes of his communist parents.
A loyal American tot reporting the crimes of his communist parents.
They share their things with you.



Your mom has given birth more than 2.3 times.



They play Tetris a lot.



Your family goes through an unusual amount of stale loaves of crummy bread.


Your dad gets drunk on vodka every night and then says things like, "Perestrokia my glasnost, comrade! I hate das blasted capitalists!"



Also, if you are poor, you are probably Communist.




THE FUTURE

By spying on your parents and reporting any Communist things they do, you will become an American hero!
A young American hero
A young American hero



We all have to work together to make this country safe for American children like you and the two kids in the picture below.
2 Happy, American Kids

The End.


Sean McBride was born and raised in the capitalist United States of America, where he was carefully taught an un-biased view of mistrusting Communists and hating them for all they're worth. Fortunately for him, he was born too recently to have been exposed to the Cold War, but at least he likes Michael Jackson.




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