 by Mike McLaughlin History is society's memory. Only through preserving this memory can we progress any further, for without a past how can there be a future? Only through remembering our mistakes can we avoid repeating. Keeping society's memory intact is the only way to ensure its survival.  The preceding was a bunch of mainstream bourgeois bull doo-doo. History repeats itself all the time, regardless of the completeness of its historical record or historical knowledge of society's leaders. History is driven by the whims of an elite few, the unthinking fashions of the populace, and semi-random games of rock-paper-scissors being played by the million golden Ryan Wangs of Valhalla, which scientists are only beginning to discover through complexity theory. The only reason today's youths are interested in history at all is to make sure they match up the retro style they happen to be wearing on a particular day to the right decade. But if people are educated about history, they are less easily swayed by the whims of the elite or the more vacuous sectors of society, and can evaluate their own beliefs in order to make intelligent decisions about our future. Ha! With our public education system? Not likely. Most students don't care about school, history or politics. If they vote (a rare occurrence), it'll be for whoever has snazzier commercials. The few who actually take an interest in knowledge realize that ideals are inherently flawed, the majority of politicians are only interested in personal gain and exploit people's ideals to that end, and that in today's media-driven environment it is impossible to pick out the few who really care. They become cynics and don't vote. All that is left is the few in between that know enough to care but not enough to know it doesn't matter. These are generally adolescent losers who write editorials for their school newspaper. Unfortunately for them, the voting age is 18. Ok, Mr. Sunshine, I think you're late for your shift at the video store. Hey, shut up! It's a tough job market out there! I got a degree, but this is all I can get! Hello. Recession's over, loser. Can you say that with a Valley Girl accent? I've got a better idea. I'll put a valley in your face. It'll be tough with your head smashed into a bloody mass on that wall. Oh, yeah? yeah! 
no!
yes! no! yes! yes! no! Ok then. What were we talking about again? History being society's memory and therefore integral to its survival. That's a bunch of mainstream bourgeois bull doo-doo. History repeats itself all the time, regardless of the completeness of its historical record or historical knowledge of society's leaders. History is driven by the whims of an elite few, the unthinking fashions of the populace, and semi-random games of rock-paper-scissors being played by the million golden Ryan Wangs of Valhalla, which scientists are only beginning to discover through complexity theory. The only reason today's youths are interested in history at all is to make sure they match up the retro style they happen to be wearing on a particular day to the right decade. That's exactly what you said five minutes ago. It is? Yes, you moron. Wait. Were we supposed to be simply two sides of an argument that the author is presenting with his true beliefs being implied in the text, or two characters in dialogue? Whoops. I think it was the first one. You screwed it up, you moron. So I forgot. Big deal. So did you. But it screwed up the whole essay Whatever. But!...... but!.. see! You messed the whole thing up by forgetting what we were doing! History is ruined by people like you! Yeah, but I don't care, so who's happier? But you're ignorant! Ignorance is bliss, baby! What? Well, it should be clear by now that I, the author, am wishing to communicate the second mind-set and am simply using this other character to ease refutation of opposing claims, so-- Shut up! That's not the author! It's you again! Of course it's the author. It's all the author. Oh, don't start this participation of the author junk. Next thing you know there will be some new character named Mike that turns us into aardvarks and autographed photos of Mel Gibson and who knows what else. But it's so much fun! It's so ninth grade, though Ok, like, whatever, as if, I said mockingly Oh. Exploit the written form some more why don't you? Don't mind if I do. Just then the history buff spontaneously combusted. The end. I'm still here. Oh, c'mon. Play along. No. Yes. No. We're at almost two pages now. This is too long already. Yeah, I guess this is just interminable drivel now (mostly on your part) Ok. The end? The End. Suddenly, a great apparition appeared from above. "I am," it intoned in a deep, majestic voice, "the Author of the Story! I have come to make random changes to the plot line that make no sense whatsoever solely for my personal amusement!" The Author then looked down on his characters, or where he thought his characters were, but saw only empty space. They had left. Or to put it more precisely, everything had left. All that was left was an infinitely distant wall with a repeating red texture of some sort. The story had ended already. "Oh, man. I guess I could screw with my 'About the Author' section now, but that's not as fun. damn it." He mumbled himself into oblivion. |
