story by Roger Marcy
illustrations by Jasmine Chapgar
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I have noticed the bizzare phenomenon here at college that people who have gone back, and are say age 40, have a complete lack of any type of knowledge. I couldn't run my watch with the amount of brain power that is miraculously keeping them alive. I had one lady who, upon being told that certain pollutants are being dumped in Nevada, quickly formulated and posed the question as to whether this meant Nevada was a waste land that should be avoided. This fear of Nevada may prove benficial to her in the end though, as I don't see Las Vegas treating her very kindly. 
I have also encountered members of the same age group who,
seemingly uninterested in the current topic of class or possibly trying to
prove they are smarter than the teacher, shout statements such as, "My
brother owns a car dealership," or one I heard today: "Algae!" These
type of people mean well, but maybe college wasn't their best choice the
first time around, and the second is definitely proving to be a stretch.
This type of erratic behavior has put the fear of God into me. Does something happen to you when you graduate from college? Is all of your knowledge repossessed in some cruel twist of irony by the college? Or do they hand you your diploma with one hand while simultaneously yanking your brain out the other? I imagine the second scenario happening like this: |
| Dean: | Here is your diploma, Mr. Bob |
| Graduate: | Thank you sir, I will use my newly aquired knowledge to solve world hunger. |
| Dean: | (chuckling under his breath) You do that son. (more snickering as graduate reaches for diploma), then...Yoink!! |
| Graduate: | Where am I? And why do I have this sudden urge to donate money to this college? |
| Dean: | (disposes of useless brain in the proper recepticle as he watches Mr. Bob fall off the stage into the audience) |
 It's a sad state of affairs, and sadly I don't think there is much we can do to help these people. They are doomed to roam from college to college like illiterate zombies (which is different from regular zombies who have a surprisingly high literacy rate) until they are either hit by a car or end up in retail. |
